So there's this book, "HE's just not that into you" (which is now also a major motion picture too). It talks about the excuses guys make to not be in relationships, not treat girls with adequate respect (or respect at all), and really shows how they get out of any commitments and their incredibly selfish side...But you know what that partially stems from: GIRLS LETTING GUYS GET AWAY WITH IT.
Seriously girls. I am at fault here too. Not respecting and loving yourself will allow you to become desperate for attention, desperate for affection, and you will lower your standards for practically anything. Been there, done it, bought the t-shirt and got the sunburn and all that. And you know what else? WE ARE NOT ALWAYS THE VICTIM - why do we always play that card? (Noted by a friend who's undergoing a sort of "dating fast") While guys use us for physical attachment or whathave you, don't we use them for emotional attachment as well?
As I am writing this and talking to more people about it, its a humbling experience, but its def something I need to examine further. And think: WHAT DO I WANT? And not settle for anything less. B/c seriously, the minute you start lowering your standards, the minute you will start to settle for almost anything.
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That last line says so much, about lowering standards. Ive found that I do indeed lower my standards to get attention, due to a flawed mode of thinking, that goes somewhat like the following:
"There's no guys out there that think like I do, or that have the same moral standards. The only way I'm going to find one is if I get one to think like me, to believe in the same set of moral values as I do. So in order to get any to pay attention, I have to lower my standards for a while, and more or less pretend to be someone I'm not. Then I can change back once we're on the same page."
Yeah, it doesn't work
That leaves me with lower standards, and guys who don't stick around anyway because that's the crowd I'm attracting.
Which leads to me being incredibly unfair to the guys. My army friend Justin told me once while we were talking about sexual abstinence before marriage (yes, I talk to the army about these things, sue me) that I'm not being fair. That it's unfair to "toy and tease" as he put it. If a man is not on the same moral compass as me, then it's true, it's not fair to lead him to think I'm willing to give something I have no intention of giving. All this does is tell them that Catholics or anyone with good morals are hypocritical in their behavior, and it shuts rather than opens doors.
Guys have no right to treat women as objects. But women must set their standards higher. If we don't want to be treated like that, then we have to demand it by our ACTIONS.
This being said, I'm not saying I'm not going out to the bars anymore. It just means I have to be careful about where I go, who I'm with, who I talk to, and what the hell I say. As Lady Gaga puts it, "Wish I could shut my playboy mouth up." Wow never thought any words of wisdom could be drawn from THAT mouth. If I don't want it, I shouldn't ask for it.
That also being said, I'm going dancing tonight. And am going to try to behave. Try.
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